U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
