Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
