I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
