you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
