there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
