just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
