Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
