Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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