Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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