no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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