Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
