I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
