Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
