I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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