this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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