dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
