its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
