things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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