I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
