She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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