I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
