I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
