that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
