we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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