One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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