left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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