i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
