May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
