I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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