How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
