So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
