Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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