is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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