I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need to sanitize my soul.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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