I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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