He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
