dude i'm inner monologue high
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
