I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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