You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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