I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
