You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
