Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
sarcasm needs its own font
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
