I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
