It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
