how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
