My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
