puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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