she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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