i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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