you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
