Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
